"One of the smallest , independent kingdoms in the ciberuniverse. Nothing fancy. Population? Just me, myself and my jaguars, my movies and my books (and, at this very moment, YOU). Hided and secret like Skull Island or Opar, the ancients in Guelyland use to read the scrools of a minor god called Voor-Hes.
Most of the treasures of Guelyland are made of paper, plastic and vinyl.Guelyland dreams with expanding in deep more then in surface. The music of Nik Kershaw has been heard here. There are apes, lots of apes in Guelyland. Woody Allen and Bob Hope visit it quite often. Here we love books (the Kingdoms Library is both celebrated and secret) Here we are atheists but very tolerant and think of god a bit too often and much. Guelyland is, the stuff my dreams are made of..."



Monday, March 15, 2010


Is the name of a funny book (by Alex Boese) I found very cheap today. Urban myths, scams, hoaxes. After reading and laughing you will end up thinking "What can i believe nowadays!" (at that point you will probably stop laughing until you go on reading).
Food dog that include dogs and cats as ingredients (true). Bonsai kittens in a bottle (false). Reality shows that are unreal and even documentaries from Attenborough or Disney that are not exactly what they seem to be (remember those suicidal lemmings from Disney's True-Life Adventures?). Musical condoms from Russia?(false). In india cow urine (called gomutram) is drinked because many people believes cures cancer and diabetes and the demand is so strong that scam artists sale instead buffalo or sheep pee (true).Cher removing her lower ribs? (false). You heard of Kopi Luwak, the most expensive coffee in the world ($280, pound) so expensive because the beans are excreted by some indonesian cats and the workers must hand-pick from the faeces? (true). The famous subliminal publicity can be finally discarded as false. Nigerian scams that are real (real scams, that is!). Strange things sold in E-bay (you wanna buy a chess toasted sandwich with Mary a.k.a. The Virgin face roasted on? Well, how the sellers know is her face!!). Do you believe in chain e-mails by Bill gates?(false). The origen of the word spam has to do with a Monthy Python sketch (yes, true!). And talking of spam this is one that millions of people received in 2003:
"Hello, I'm a time traveler stuck here in 2003. Upon arriving here my dimensional warp generator stopped working...I anm going to need a new DWG unit, prefereably the rechargeable AMD wrist watch model with the GRC79 induction motor, four i80200 warp stabilizers, 512GB of SRAM, and the menu driven GUI with front panel XID display. I will take whatever model you have in stock, as long as its received certification for being safe on carbon based life forms. In terms of payment: I don't have any Galactic Credits left. Payment can be made in platinum gold or 2003 currency upon safe delivery of unit."
I wish everybody would read this book at least for in order that once for all they stop spreading those chain e-mails that we all get so often (actually i think i will transcribe that part of the book in a future entry).
By the way the title of this book is based in the urban legend about a circus dwarf that falled from a high act in a circus right into the open mouth of an hippo in Manchester, Thailand or Sidney (false).
And the book goes on for 263 pages and after that we have a 15 pages glosary with interesting terms such as:

Faux-mosexuality, n. Homosexuality faked in order to appear trendy.

Merkin, n. A pubic hair wig. sometimes worn by exotic dancers in order to appeal fully naked while obeying local ordinances that require them to be partially clothed.

Snob Hit, n. A boring movie or play that people pretend to like because they think they're supose to like it.

Surfer's voice, n. the vacant, spaced-out tone of people browsing the web and conversing on the phone at the same time. Characterized by a high frecuencyof 'ummms' and 'errrs', and long pauses.

Synthespian, n. A virtual actor created through digital animation. Examples include Buzz Lightyear from Toy Story and Gollum from Lord of The Rings.
In 2003 the MTV Movie Awards became the first show to reward the best 'virtual performance'

Tanorexia, n. A syndrome in which the sufferer believes that no matter how tanner they are, they are not tanned enough.

Unread bestseller, n. A book that many buy , but few actually read.

This little book goes in my library with my James Randy books, Mac Dougall's Hoaxes, Vicente Vega's Diccionario de Rarezas Inverosomilitudes y Curiosidades (DRIC), Wallace's Book of Lists and a growing etcetera that go along so well with my chronic skepticism.


Alberto said...

That book try to tell us the "secrets" behind the cortains, of our current (modern) society.
I am an "unread bestseller buying guy".


Guely of Sweden said...

Lots of secrets and things people believe are true!Try to find it Cuy. Is perfect toilet reading!

Gigi Peligro said...

It sounds like funny but real!

#167 Dad said...

Great posting G-Man! Growing up in Southern California, I was more than familiar with surfer voice - dude.
Ans I wish you hadn't told me there aren't any musical Russian condoms.


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