"One of the smallest , independent kingdoms in the ciberuniverse. Nothing fancy. Population? Just me, myself and my jaguars, my movies and my books (and, at this very moment, YOU). Hided and secret like Skull Island or Opar, the ancients in Guelyland use to read the scrools of a minor god called Voor-Hes.
Most of the treasures of Guelyland are made of paper, plastic and vinyl.Guelyland dreams with expanding in deep more then in surface. The music of Nik Kershaw has been heard here. There are apes, lots of apes in Guelyland. Woody Allen and Bob Hope visit it quite often. Here we love books (the Kingdoms Library is both celebrated and secret) Here we are atheists but very tolerant and think of god a bit too often and much. Guelyland is, the stuff my dreams are made of..."



Wednesday, February 17, 2010


James A. FitzPatrick (1894-1980) fue un documentalista norteamericano muy famoso por sus reportajes alrededor del mundo. Fue muy criticado por sólo mostrar lo bonito de cada rincón del planeta que visitaba (sólo planeta Tierra, ojo!). A lo que el replicó diciendo:
"Cómo me iban a dejar entrar a esos paises si me ponía a hacer comentarios sobre sus problemas sociales? Aparte de rudo hubiera sido contraproducente. hice mis películas en una época en que viajar era una aventura imposible para la gente común y corriente. Pienso que enseñé a la gente lo que hubiera querido ver si hubiera podido viajar. Por años tuve una agencia de viajes, también y no recuerdo a nadie jamás pidiéndome un recorrido por los lugares feos o las cárceles."

Bueno, la cosa es que entre muchísimos lugares exóticos y ciudades en 1937 pasó por Perú y Chile. Sus "Traveltalks" nos muestran en technicolor la belleza de nuestros paises como muy pocos recordamos haberlos visto (salvo que tengan mas de 73 años y muy buena memoria). Solían ser presentados como cortos antes de algunas películas de Metro Goldwin Meyer. Y si se fijan bien en ambos reportajes aparecen cines Metro que anuncian sus cortos en las marquesinas (un poquito de propaganda no hace daño no?). Aquí les dejo los videos, un par de viajecitos en el tiempo y en Technicolor! "Glimpses of Perú" y "Chile, Land of Charm":



Gracias a mi amigo Alberto Vizcarra, por el dato.

Sunday, February 14, 2010


I found a couple more of video cover art of the Universal Monsters that for some reason i can't add to the older post so you can have them here instead.
I'll try harder later.

Thursday, February 11, 2010


When it comes to cult movies, for me, this one is right up there in the alley among my top ten or even five favorite ones: Beautiful Girls, directed by the tragically gone Ted Demme (1963-2002) from 1996.
My "date movie" of choice (okay Annie Hall and Casablanca would complete the trilogy). I could even have a date as an excuse to watch this one!
It has so many good scenes: the Winnie the Pooh one with the underrated Timothy Hutton and the then just a kid Natalie Portman, the Supermodels speech by the always hateable Michael Rapaport, the "karaoke scene" with Uma Thurman pouring shots to the guys about to deliver Neil Diamond's Sweet Caroline and so many many more. So i gonna choose one for you, ladies and germs. The one with Rosie O'Donnell, Matt Dillon, Hutton in the grosery store. In english (with some not so acurate spanish subtitles). So, here it goes. Lights, camera, ACTION!!

Gina: I'm finished speaking to both of you okay? You're both fucking insane. You want to know what your problem is? MTV, Playboy, and Madison fucking Avenue. Yes. Let me explain something to you, ok? Girls with big tits have big asses. Girls with little tits have little asses. That's the way it goes. God doesn't fuck around; he's a fair guy. He gave the fatties big, beautiful tits and the skinnies little tiny niddlers. It's not my rule. If you don't like it, call him. Hey Mitch. Thank you.

Looking at a porn magazine]
Gina: Oh, guys, look what we have here. Look at this, your favorite. Oh, you like that?

Tommy: I could go along with that
Gina: Yeah, that's nice right? Well, it doesn't exist ok. Look at the hair. The hair is long, it's flowing, it's like a river. Well, it's a fucking weave ok? And the tits, please! I could hang my overcoat on them. Tits by design were invented to be suckled by babies. Yes, they're purely functional. These are silicon city. And look, my favorite, the shaved pubis. Pubic hair being too unruly and all. Very key. This is a mockery, this is a sham, this is bullshit. Implants, collagen, plastic, capped teeth, the fat sucked out, the hair extended, the nose fixed, the bush shaved... These are not real women, all right? They're beauty freaks. And they make all us normal women with our wrinkles, our puckered boobs, hi bob, and our cellulite feel somehow inadequate. Well I don't buy it, all right? But you fucking mooks, if you think that if there's a chance in hell that you'll end up with one of these women, you don't give us real women anything approaching a commitment. It's pathetic. I don't know what you think you're going to do. You're going to end up eighty-years old, drooling in some nursing home, then you're going to decide, it's time to settle down, get married, have kids? What, are you going to find a cheerleader? Charge it Mitch
Tommy: I think you're over simplifying.

Gina: Oh eat me. Look at Paul. With his models on the wall, his dog named Elle McPherson. He's insane. He's obsessed. You're all obsessed. If you had an once of self-esteem, of self-worth, of self-confidence, you would realize that as trite as it may sound, beauty is truly skin-deep. And you know what, if you ever did hook one of those girls, I guarantee you'd be sick of her
Tommy: Yeah, I suppose I'd get sick of her after about, what, twenty or thirty years?

Gina: Get over yourself. Thank you Mitch. Say hello to Gertrude.

Tommy: What?

Gina: No mater how perfect the nipple, how supple the thigh, unless there is some other shit going on in the relationship, besides the physical, it's going to get old, ok? And you guys, as a gender, have got to get a grip. Otherwise, the future of the human race is in jeopardy.

Willie Conway: What was that?

Tommy: I don't know, but a great ass.

Willie Conway: Nice tits. Come on let's go.

Sunday, February 7, 2010


  • 1. Descubre que un tipo con muy mal humor llamado Herodes piensa asesinar a todos los niños menores de dos años de su país. ¿Qué hace?
    a) Avisa a sus conciudadanos para que tomen medidas.
    b) Alerta sólo a sus vecinos.
    c) Se larga a Egipto sin avisar a nadie.
  • 2. Necesita imperiosamente enviar un mensaje a la humanidad. ¿Qué vía de comunicación elige?
    a) Como Dios Todopoderoso que es, se aparece a toda la humanidad simultáneamente.
    b) Como Dios Todopoderoso que es, intercepta la señal de la televisión en horario de máxima audiencia.
    c) Como Dios Todopoderoso que es, se aparece a unos jóvenes pastores analfabetos a los que nadie va a creer.
  • 3. Si se planteara tener un hijo…
    a) Lo tiene con su/una mujer.
    b) Lo adopta.
    c) Encarga a una paloma que fecunde a una virgen.
  • 4. Encarga a un tipo que rescate a su pueblo de un secular cautiverio en Egipto con una travesía de 40 años por el desierto. Cuando llegan a la tierra prometida…
    a) Le da una paga extra.
    b) Le felicita por su trabajo.
    c) Le anuncia que ha decidido que se muera y que nunca pise la tierra prometida.
  • 5. Tiene usted un hijo, personificación de la bondad y la justicia absoluta, lo envía a la tierra y, al parecer, todos le aclaman como líder de una sociedad justa e igualitaria.
    a) Lo convierte en presidente de la República.
    b) Lo convierte en rey.
    c) Deja que lo crucifiquen.
  • 6. Sus seguidores han fundado una religión: ¿Qué opina del resto de creencias?
    a) No me considero una persona religiosa.
    b) Las respeto.
    c) Habría que matarlos a todos en una yihad, guerra santa o misión culturizadora, según el caso, y así se lo hago saber a mis representantes en la tierra.

    How you do! Monsters and Universal are a couple of words that go hand to paw together for almost ninety years ago. And as I, so do thousands of thousands of people from around the world and from very different generations, we just love these movies since our first nightmares. And, let's be frank: they don't scare us anymore because they are our very old chumps now. Lovely flathead, hairy, undead, expressionistic weirdos.

    Of course they can be chessy, poetic or camp, masterpieces or turkeys. But like in a big crazy family : nobody is perfect.

    Even if there are a few things more dead then VHS. This partitcular collection is worth to be brought here because of the wonderful box cover art that is displayed in each one of her releases. So I decided to bring her back to life, for a while,

    With some very popular titles and some quite obscure ones, the trailers for this collection are a delight as well. Here, I bid you a welcome for Boris, Bela, Lon, Dwight and his gang in this Gallery of Monsters!

    (Still waiting this one on DVD)

    Friday, February 5, 2010


    Dear Guelylanders:
    The good guys from the Alaska State Library Site are kind enough to give us this book for free so we can take care of our dear paper friends. I think it may be very useful. Just check the table of contents :

    Hoping this will help to keep your beloved books in good condition longer by your side, I say take care (of you and your books)!

    (In the picture, some of my own)

    Thursday, February 4, 2010


    Directed and written by Claudia Llosa (Lima,1976), La Teta Asustada is the first peruvian movie ever been nominated to any Academy Award. It is a strange movie and like Llosa's previous one, Madeinusa (2006), has not a single character that make us care for. Not even the protagonist: Fausta (Magaly Solier), a weird, lonely and sad girl who keeps a potato inside her vagina so, in the believe of the indians, according to Llosa's fantasy, men will stay away from her. I am guessing that like in her previous movie, the director is making up from her own personal ideas all those indian traditions we see during the film. Llosa make us laugh on the poor peruvians again: they are ignorant, ludicrous, vulgar and ridiculous (everybody speaks terrible spanish, as certain kind of people, wrong and frankly, believe in Peru). Why nobody is good looking but the protagonist?
    Let's be clear here: there is no such a thing as Scared Tit (Teta Asustada) in reality, is not a trauma it is just an invention of the director. And here is the problem for me. People will believe that this is some kind of psycological condition that many peruvian women suffer because of the terrorism wars of the 80's in Perú. Is not. It's just a poetic license coming straight from the director and her fantasy.
    I have to tell that the photography is quite good even beautiful, that the music well placed and choosen. But the characters are just too cold and distant. I wanted to like this movie as a whole, but i can't. I am glad to see for the first time the name of the country i was born in an Oscar ceremony (and hopefully not for the last time). But it is too exotic and I cannot think of other reason for the director to made up all this kind of traditions and ideas about the poor people in Peru but because she has not a real knowledge of the reality that occurs in the south american country. I hope she some day dares to create a similar dark and sad story with characters of a reality that she knows better: her own.


    Related Posts with Thumbnails